Only Once…you find someone who can turn your life around..

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“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

Bob Marley

Sir Erospainter sidebar and real life: so here is what I will tell you Mr. Marley…I respectfully disagree….here is my story..not looking for sympathy…but is what it is..I will go with the trinity idea of soul mates

First time: I was in love…college..senior…got engaged to freshman…moved away for life work..too far away she had three more years of college.in retrospect should not have gotten engaged…she moved on..course with my best friend sucked

Second time..27 in Miami…she was married and unhappy and she was ready to walk then right within a month before she was ready she found out she was pregnant with twins..and she did the right thing to be a family

Third time..was recently….if you find that person please please recognize it..talk about it..compromise..cajole but hell fucking work it girl..cause there are limited credits in the soul mate wars…

I am woman and on the net…respect me or fuck off..

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I am a woman.

I am on the net.

 

I am beautiful, intelligent, witty, charming, seductive, pure, driven, virtuous, entertaining, and graceful. I am your sister, your daughter, your best friend, your wife, your mother, your girlfriend, your lover. I am no one simply because you do not know me by face and voice, but I am everyone by potential. Your fantasies, your dreams, your aspirations, your competition, your enemy, your teacher, your student. I am all or none. And I deserve better than this.

 

Until I say otherwise I am not a tool for your sexual fantasies. I am not here simply to make you feel attractive as you sit at your computer screen and type lewd suggestions. I am a woman. A person. Not a living breathing cyber-blow-up doll. And I resent that you would reduce me to such an object. Treat me as you would any stranger. Assume nothing, ask politely. Do not think I am here simply for your dreams, any more than I would relegate you to mine.

 

I believe the internet is a wonderful thing, a tool, a toy, a mystery and child’s play. I love the power it gives me. I can gain a voice here which is defined only as I wish it to be. I can be a man a woman a boy black white green it matters not. This space is mine as I create it. And this empowers me more than 50 pairs of high heels, more than a leather briefcase or a stethoscope ever will. Here I am free to be the person I want to be. The person our society will not let me be simply because I am a woman. Do not tread on this because I will fight you to the bitter end. This space is precious. Every time you press unwanted sexual advanced, comments, pictures, letters, or simply derogatory material upon me you defile a little portion of this space. And you attempt to destroy me and the beauty of my voice, my soul as expressed by a few megs of random data. And having found my voice, I refuse to bow down ever again.

 

I refuse. And realize that your harmless jokes, your attempts to cull the available from the non-interested with greetings such as “lick lick” are horrific and ugly. They take my attempt to find beauty in this world within my self, and to explore this, and show it off for all the world to see (for I am proud of who I find myself to be) and soil and trample on it.

 

I see myself as beautiful, like a bride on her wedding day. You turn me into the whore shooting up in the alleyway. You take the anonymity that allows me to be beautiful and use it as a tool to humiliate and degrade. And I refuse to let you do this to my sisters. I refuse to allow you to do this in silence. If you cannot respect me as you would any human being, then at least see how you degrade me and my dreams.

 

And realize that We as Women and as part of the community defined by the net, abhor this, and look forward to a day when this wonderful thing can be used to eliminate the differences between men and women, races and nations.

Knowledge is a powerful tool. You abuse it, I will grow from it.

Instants

 

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Instants

If I could live again my life,
In the next – I’ll try,
- to make more mistakes,
I won’t try to be so perfect,
I’ll be more relaxed,
I’ll be more full – than I am now,
In fact, I’ll take fewer things seriously,
I’ll be less hygenic,
I’ll take more risks,
I’ll take more trips,
I’ll watch more sunsets,
I’ll climb more mountains,
I’ll swim more rivers,
I’ll go to more places – I’ve never been,
I’ll eat more ice creams and less (lime) beans,
I’ll have more real problems – and less imaginary
ones,
I was one of those people who live
prudent and prolific lives -
each minute of his life,
Offcourse that I had moments of joy – but,
if I could go back I’ll try to have only good moments,

If you don’t know – thats what life is made of,
Don’t lose the now!

I was one of those who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer,
without a hot-water bottle,
and without an umberella and without a parachute,

If I could live again – I will travel light,
If I could live again – I’ll try to work bare feet
at the beginning of spring till
the end of autumn,
I’ll ride more carts,
I’ll watch more sunrises and play with more children,
If I have the life to live – but now I am 85,
- and I know that I am dying … 

Jorge Luis Borges

Your life as story

 

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You digest and absorb your life by turning it into stories … Other events—the ones you can’t digest—they poison you. Those worst parts of your life, those moments you can’t talk about, they rot you from the inside out. … But the stories that you can digest, that you can tell—you can take control of those past moments. You can shape them, craft them. Master them. And use them to your own good. Those stories as important as food. Those are stories you can use to make people laugh or cry or sick. Or scared. To make people feel the way you felt. To help exhaust that past moment for them and for you. Until that moment is dead. Consumed. Digested. Absorbed. –Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

One of the top ten things slaves need………direction

 

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One of what many things that  Slaves Need …..Direction

DIRECTION
The popular conception is that slaves are people who are forced to obey a Master’s orders, and many slaves also fantasize being forced. Being obedient is held to be the opposite of freedom, and the negative connotations of “slavery” largely consist in this lack of freedom.

This no doubt was true of many or most coerced slaves in history. It is not true of consensual slaves today. Those who become slaves today in the U.S., Europe, and the rest of the developed world do so not because they are being forced to obey, but because they positively need to obey. Obedience is the voluntary slave’s lifeblood. To obey is not our cross but our joy! We only ask to be given the opportunity.

And that’s where direction comes in. Any idiot can tell someone else what to do! Lots of people are bossy or domineering or pushy. That’s not what can satisfy a slave’s need to obey, not in the long run, because people who are merely bossy tend not to be very consistent or intelligent about what they tell others to do; they operate on whim. The more perfectly you obey someone like that, the more likely you are to get into trouble, because today’s order may contradict yesterday’s or undermine tomorrow’s. You can drive a dog or a child insane with contradictory orders; is a slave any less sensitive?

Ideally, what slaves need — whether they’re aware of wanting it or not! — is clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders. And it takes a Master with great presence of mind, intelligence, self-control, and self-understanding to provide that kind of environment.

Surely if I add extra Scott’s Fertilizer the Grass will be greener on the other side..

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No matter how much additional fertilizer you want to put on it

The Grass is never greener on the other side and how to still be happy in that fundamental life truism

 

We live in an age of “wish we had” lifestyles..we watch the endless media tv shows as they parade into the homes of the rich and famous, the 24 year old superstar athlete who did not graduate college with his $ 18 Million house…and we wonder..what if..if we only hit the Lottery…that is how our culture wants us to aspire…we look…at Lifestyle. Opportunities. Wealth.

Just think how far we’ve come in the past  60 years—especially when you look at what we have today compared with grandparents generation who survived the great depression…my Dad’s da went from working with Thomas Edison…to frying hamburgers as short order cook..in a matter of days…..life was hard…you did what you did..and that was the way it was…

I am sure he dreamed about having the opportunity to transform his life…move to another city…but that was not something he could do…never really had a chance to take a vacation..he ended up opening a very successful hamburger restaurant..but in retail as you know there is no rest for the weary

Thanks to the world we live in and you reading this free form babbling of mine..we do live in an unprecedented age of technology unheard of…in our life…thanks to this WW technology, the Internet, and an improved society, our lifestyles are completely transformed. We have choices on who we meet (not just the girl down the street or in that small town you grew up in) , jobs you might never had known were available ..and in thosw choices..we can live pretty much anywhere we want. We can travel and see the world.

We can secure jobs on the other side of the planet. We can start our own businesses and serve clients thousands of miles away. It’s definitely an exciting time.

But when there is a wealth of opportunities, choices, and places where we could choose to live, you’d think we’d all be happy, right? Wrong.

You see, the problem with having choices is that we become restless. We can’t settle on what we already have or be satisfied with what we’ve got because we’ll always be wondering about the next big thing. We are a bit over the top on that attention deficit disorder syndrome in the age of technology and instant gratification…it is a bit like what someone once coined to me me in high school as  “the grass is always greener” syndrome. We think someone else is having a better time elsewhere. We make ourselves miserable by constantly thinking about the unknown in an endless quest to find happiness.

We lie awake at night torturing ourselves over what we should do next, wondering if we’re missing out on something big. We feel we’re wasting our lives if we’re not doing something more important.

There’s also this sense of time pressure, particularly with my generation who had the saying “The World is yours for the taking” told to us by our well intentioned and optimistic parents at a young age…

So what does that do to our psyche…it creates a bit of a cognitive disssonace…we create this dichotomy of accepting the world as it is and an unrealistic sense of urgency, because we feel like we’re running out of time and should be doing something greater or somehow we’ll fail.

We also think we’re special and that our lives are destined to be adventurous, thrilling, and hugely successful. And when they’re not turning out that way? We become depressed. We want more. We get “grass is greener” syndrome and we want it now….

That’s when we become unhappy and spend all of our time and energy on focusing on what we don’t have rather than counting our blessings.

Some of us might start to move around a lot—often to find the “perfect” city or town, lose the old husband..start to want to explore something..or someone new…somewhere we can call “home,” somewhere we’ll be happy. Still others might jump from one job or relationship to the next, never fully committing to anything and somehow deluding themselves that they are “happy”..

But once we’ve made that leap to the other side—once we’ve moved to where we thought the grass would be greener and where we’d be happy—we discover that it is no different. We start to wonder about the grass being greener elsewhere.

We are never truly happy when we have “grass is greener” syndrome. It’s a fact. Focusing on things we don’t have will always eat away at you inside eventually..It only leads into the self doubt..of I don’t deserve this existence and we ten to lose sight on t what’s most important—and that’s what’s happening right now.

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” -EB White

We all seem to be victims of ignoring what’s actually happening right at this very moment, which is only natural when we have so many choices and opportunities available to us.

We can all forget the whole point of happiness, and that’s  internal peace of mind…acceptance, and mindfulness. Essentially, it’s being happy no matter where you are in the world, or what you’re doing, or whom you’re with.

 

I gravitated to the Zen mindset..though I was raised Episcopalian…growing up in my 20s around a key tenet in their belief system called mindfulness..

So what is Mindfulness? Continuous, clear awareness of the present moment. Always returning, whether from an enjoyable fantasy, an emotional outburst or a melancholy remembrance; always returning to this moment. Being fully here, present-moment after present-moment. This is mindfulness

Being Mindful…quiets the mind and brings us a sense of peace that no other quest for a “perfect life” could ever bring.

Mindfulness helps you to appreciate life as it happens. It stops us from agonizing over what might’ve been or what could be. It just brings us back to the present. This especially has helped me along the way in interpersonal relatiosnhips especially in my involvement with women..since not all of the women I have know have the same operator manual (that can be a blessing and a curse sometimes..that is a whole different blog writing…lol)

Don’t get me wrong—opportunity is a marvelous thing and I only wish my Grandfather 9who unfortunately I never met based away from cancer two years before I was born) had the choices I enjoy today. But I’m slowly coming to realize that my Grandfather just might have  been just fine with his lifestyle.

He was quite possibly happier than me. His life was simple and perhaps there’s a clue in that. Maybe the simple life is where we can all find peace. Make life simple but not simpler someone very wise once told me.

Yes—embrace everything that comes along. Yes—go out and see the world and enjoy everything this life has to offer.

But whenever you feel yourself losing focus and wondering about where you’ll be happy next, bring yourself back to the present, look at what you already have, look around you and enjoy the moments that are happening right now.

Find peace in reading a good book, doing some gardening, going to a ball game, going for a walk in the countryside. Ride your bike…Take in the sights, smells, and sounds and try to brethe deeply..and focus on your surrounding… Start to notice what is happening right now, and I guarantee you’ll find peace.

Because happiness isn’t about where you live or the things you do. It isn’t about being on an impossible mission to do everything, see everywhere, and accomplish everything you ever dreamed.

The net of it all…is Happiness is a state of mind.

How you achieve it is by building a life around your current location. Making new friends, settling into a routine, finding ways in which to enjoy “the moment” rather than dwelling on all the things you could be doing or the places you could be visiting.

Remember that all we ever have is right now. Forget about the past. Don’t worry about the future. Take each day as it comes, and most of all, stop thinking that the grass is greener, because it never really is……Hope you all have a wonderful Easter too by the way…Peace…and I am out of here…. EP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

whether you have been in love

 

 

 

 

 

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Whether you’ve been in a relationship for ten years or ten weeks, you know how crazy love can make you. On any given day you’re insanely happy, maniacally miserable, kooky with contentment, or bonkers with boredom—and that’s in a good relationship. Why do you think we call it being “madly” in love? You have to be a little nuts to commit yourself, body and soul, to one other person—one wonderful, goofy, fallible person—in the hope that happily-ever-after really does exist. And yet we can’t help ourselves. We throw ourselves into love time and again, even though we know real-life love is no fairy tale. We trade in our sexy glass slippers for soccer-mom sneakers, or pretend we didn’t hear (or smell) that gastric emission Prince Charming made in his sleep. We stress out and make up and do it all over again—and why? Because nothing makes us feel more alive than the exhilaration and exasperation of everyday love. –Mary D. Esselman and Elizabeth Ash Vélez, Love Poems for Real Life