One of the top ten things slaves need………direction

 

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One of what many things that  Slaves Need …..Direction

DIRECTION
The popular conception is that slaves are people who are forced to obey a Master’s orders, and many slaves also fantasize being forced. Being obedient is held to be the opposite of freedom, and the negative connotations of “slavery” largely consist in this lack of freedom.

This no doubt was true of many or most coerced slaves in history. It is not true of consensual slaves today. Those who become slaves today in the U.S., Europe, and the rest of the developed world do so not because they are being forced to obey, but because they positively need to obey. Obedience is the voluntary slave’s lifeblood. To obey is not our cross but our joy! We only ask to be given the opportunity.

And that’s where direction comes in. Any idiot can tell someone else what to do! Lots of people are bossy or domineering or pushy. That’s not what can satisfy a slave’s need to obey, not in the long run, because people who are merely bossy tend not to be very consistent or intelligent about what they tell others to do; they operate on whim. The more perfectly you obey someone like that, the more likely you are to get into trouble, because today’s order may contradict yesterday’s or undermine tomorrow’s. You can drive a dog or a child insane with contradictory orders; is a slave any less sensitive?

Ideally, what slaves need — whether they’re aware of wanting it or not! — is clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders. And it takes a Master with great presence of mind, intelligence, self-control, and self-understanding to provide that kind of environment.

Surely if I add extra Scott’s Fertilizer the Grass will be greener on the other side..

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No matter how much additional fertilizer you want to put on it

The Grass is never greener on the other side and how to still be happy in that fundamental life truism

 

We live in an age of “wish we had” lifestyles..we watch the endless media tv shows as they parade into the homes of the rich and famous, the 24 year old superstar athlete who did not graduate college with his $ 18 Million house…and we wonder..what if..if we only hit the Lottery…that is how our culture wants us to aspire…we look…at Lifestyle. Opportunities. Wealth.

Just think how far we’ve come in the past  60 years—especially when you look at what we have today compared with grandparents generation who survived the great depression…my Dad’s da went from working with Thomas Edison…to frying hamburgers as short order cook..in a matter of days…..life was hard…you did what you did..and that was the way it was…

I am sure he dreamed about having the opportunity to transform his life…move to another city…but that was not something he could do…never really had a chance to take a vacation..he ended up opening a very successful hamburger restaurant..but in retail as you know there is no rest for the weary

Thanks to the world we live in and you reading this free form babbling of mine..we do live in an unprecedented age of technology unheard of…in our life…thanks to this WW technology, the Internet, and an improved society, our lifestyles are completely transformed. We have choices on who we meet (not just the girl down the street or in that small town you grew up in) , jobs you might never had known were available ..and in thosw choices..we can live pretty much anywhere we want. We can travel and see the world.

We can secure jobs on the other side of the planet. We can start our own businesses and serve clients thousands of miles away. It’s definitely an exciting time.

But when there is a wealth of opportunities, choices, and places where we could choose to live, you’d think we’d all be happy, right? Wrong.

You see, the problem with having choices is that we become restless. We can’t settle on what we already have or be satisfied with what we’ve got because we’ll always be wondering about the next big thing. We are a bit over the top on that attention deficit disorder syndrome in the age of technology and instant gratification…it is a bit like what someone once coined to me me in high school as  “the grass is always greener” syndrome. We think someone else is having a better time elsewhere. We make ourselves miserable by constantly thinking about the unknown in an endless quest to find happiness.

We lie awake at night torturing ourselves over what we should do next, wondering if we’re missing out on something big. We feel we’re wasting our lives if we’re not doing something more important.

There’s also this sense of time pressure, particularly with my generation who had the saying “The World is yours for the taking” told to us by our well intentioned and optimistic parents at a young age…

So what does that do to our psyche…it creates a bit of a cognitive disssonace…we create this dichotomy of accepting the world as it is and an unrealistic sense of urgency, because we feel like we’re running out of time and should be doing something greater or somehow we’ll fail.

We also think we’re special and that our lives are destined to be adventurous, thrilling, and hugely successful. And when they’re not turning out that way? We become depressed. We want more. We get “grass is greener” syndrome and we want it now….

That’s when we become unhappy and spend all of our time and energy on focusing on what we don’t have rather than counting our blessings.

Some of us might start to move around a lot—often to find the “perfect” city or town, lose the old husband..start to want to explore something..or someone new…somewhere we can call “home,” somewhere we’ll be happy. Still others might jump from one job or relationship to the next, never fully committing to anything and somehow deluding themselves that they are “happy”..

But once we’ve made that leap to the other side—once we’ve moved to where we thought the grass would be greener and where we’d be happy—we discover that it is no different. We start to wonder about the grass being greener elsewhere.

We are never truly happy when we have “grass is greener” syndrome. It’s a fact. Focusing on things we don’t have will always eat away at you inside eventually..It only leads into the self doubt..of I don’t deserve this existence and we ten to lose sight on t what’s most important—and that’s what’s happening right now.

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” -EB White

We all seem to be victims of ignoring what’s actually happening right at this very moment, which is only natural when we have so many choices and opportunities available to us.

We can all forget the whole point of happiness, and that’s  internal peace of mind…acceptance, and mindfulness. Essentially, it’s being happy no matter where you are in the world, or what you’re doing, or whom you’re with.

 

I gravitated to the Zen mindset..though I was raised Episcopalian…growing up in my 20s around a key tenet in their belief system called mindfulness..

So what is Mindfulness? Continuous, clear awareness of the present moment. Always returning, whether from an enjoyable fantasy, an emotional outburst or a melancholy remembrance; always returning to this moment. Being fully here, present-moment after present-moment. This is mindfulness

Being Mindful…quiets the mind and brings us a sense of peace that no other quest for a “perfect life” could ever bring.

Mindfulness helps you to appreciate life as it happens. It stops us from agonizing over what might’ve been or what could be. It just brings us back to the present. This especially has helped me along the way in interpersonal relatiosnhips especially in my involvement with women..since not all of the women I have know have the same operator manual (that can be a blessing and a curse sometimes..that is a whole different blog writing…lol)

Don’t get me wrong—opportunity is a marvelous thing and I only wish my Grandfather 9who unfortunately I never met based away from cancer two years before I was born) had the choices I enjoy today. But I’m slowly coming to realize that my Grandfather just might have  been just fine with his lifestyle.

He was quite possibly happier than me. His life was simple and perhaps there’s a clue in that. Maybe the simple life is where we can all find peace. Make life simple but not simpler someone very wise once told me.

Yes—embrace everything that comes along. Yes—go out and see the world and enjoy everything this life has to offer.

But whenever you feel yourself losing focus and wondering about where you’ll be happy next, bring yourself back to the present, look at what you already have, look around you and enjoy the moments that are happening right now.

Find peace in reading a good book, doing some gardening, going to a ball game, going for a walk in the countryside. Ride your bike…Take in the sights, smells, and sounds and try to brethe deeply..and focus on your surrounding… Start to notice what is happening right now, and I guarantee you’ll find peace.

Because happiness isn’t about where you live or the things you do. It isn’t about being on an impossible mission to do everything, see everywhere, and accomplish everything you ever dreamed.

The net of it all…is Happiness is a state of mind.

How you achieve it is by building a life around your current location. Making new friends, settling into a routine, finding ways in which to enjoy “the moment” rather than dwelling on all the things you could be doing or the places you could be visiting.

Remember that all we ever have is right now. Forget about the past. Don’t worry about the future. Take each day as it comes, and most of all, stop thinking that the grass is greener, because it never really is……Hope you all have a wonderful Easter too by the way…Peace…and I am out of here…. EP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

whether you have been in love

 

 

 

 

 

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Whether you’ve been in a relationship for ten years or ten weeks, you know how crazy love can make you. On any given day you’re insanely happy, maniacally miserable, kooky with contentment, or bonkers with boredom—and that’s in a good relationship. Why do you think we call it being “madly” in love? You have to be a little nuts to commit yourself, body and soul, to one other person—one wonderful, goofy, fallible person—in the hope that happily-ever-after really does exist. And yet we can’t help ourselves. We throw ourselves into love time and again, even though we know real-life love is no fairy tale. We trade in our sexy glass slippers for soccer-mom sneakers, or pretend we didn’t hear (or smell) that gastric emission Prince Charming made in his sleep. We stress out and make up and do it all over again—and why? Because nothing makes us feel more alive than the exhilaration and exasperation of everyday love. –Mary D. Esselman and Elizabeth Ash Vélez, Love Poems for Real Life

Hard truths, real life and things that will happen to us along that long and crazy ride we call our life…….

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Johann Goethe…once said…”You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”

In think there is a fair amount of insight in that comment…I think true courage is finding you doing the right thing when no one is looking. When you do not do something because you want recognition. But you do it because it is part of your moral character..and character and ending up finding your true soul…and your inner heart’s wisdom can take decades for some…Some people I have even questions if they even “have a soul” based on some peoples’ behavior.

I think the elements that come with building your true character come from dealing with personal loss, life hard dispassionate lessons…and personal triumphs…They come from making decisions in the moment…not second guessing the results…and making choices even when you have very little empirical data..thus that is the true art of living…you need to plant the seeds of your future self in the fertile soil of your present mind..and your best triumphs will often grow from the toughest times in your life…you just need to keep making choices..learning and living…

Over the years I have had my share of adversity and hardships..finding my baby sister dead in her bed when she was three and I was five…loss of friends to random drunken drivers, layoffs, betrayal of my college woman I was to marry with my very best friend, my mothers’ passing from lung cancer…life can be inexplicable and brutal..but here is the thing..does this make me say I deserve more out of life due to my hardship…no…each of these things…set us back but after the sadness.. ..no it was just the cards I was dealt..you will be dealt cards too.it is how you play the hand that either gets you stuck in the past or you push forward..stronger to the unknown future and maybe a new appreciation for life.

That being said..to not sugar coat..that life thang…Life is not easy, but I think it is worth it versus the options out there…If you think or had a life growing up..sheltered and protected and you think life will always be easy…you will find much disappointment…in later life unless you have a parental network..that shelters you from adulthood…and if you do shame on Mom and Dad…  Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes time and effort.  You must align your efforts with your goals and then start every day ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.

If you watch any of the wonderful 19 minute Ted Talks by  Entrepreneurs..listen to the top leaders in Fortune 500 companies…there is a common…theme and that is.Persistence is the single most common characteristic of high achievers.  They simply refuse to give up.  The longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will happen in your favor.

The other reality of life which drives all those Type A personalities in the world nuts is that fact that you will never ever be able to control all aspects of your so called life..you will always struggle in trying to have more control than you actually have…all those Self-help books of the week..try to teach you to learn to let go..but that is hard…for many to internalize..

The better you adapt to this reality that there will be much you can never control., the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows.

Put most simply: Life is infinitely stranger than anything the mind can invent (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)..and having a self-fulfilling and meaningful life is to accept that what is right here in the moment as you are reading this..is essentially all you know for certain…the here and right now..stuff.

Living will always be a risk..Happiness sometimes even a bigger risk. Meeting new people is a risk. Pushing away other people because you risk someday in the future  that they will disappoint you is a bit unfair to these people and extremely short sighted..and yet people still do that especially as they grow older they tend to apply even more and more filters to any new person before they give that person a chance..to surprise them…

But I guess I would tell you please do now worry about things you tried that did not work out or were in your mental book..epic fails..worry instead if you give up without even trying to don them…If you worry about the things in life you are not tasting, experiencing and living..you are not truly living you are just staying inside that emotional cocoon of the safety of your afraid to risk an open heart comfort zone.

One of the biggest inhibitors of success is not something you can ever see in the material world…The primary cause of unhappiness and defeat is never the current situation but your thoughts about it.  Happiness and success really comes down to two elements: the way you think and the way you act based upon your thoughts

And also some people spend a lifetime of working to surround themselves with objects of material success but this is hollow..since those things are transitory…what you need to do is take inventory of your most intensely happy and passionate life  memories and stop fixating on things you can touch and start caring about the things that touch you.  Each of us has a unique need whatever that might be..emotionally , mentally or physical like an eternal flame inside your heart..spend time to keep that burning fiercely..

Another hard fact about people…is that not all people you meet will like you, respect you or even care about you. What did Maya Angelou said..you can learn a lot about people… by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights…use this as a good leadning indication to their character and soul. Also have found how people feel about dogs (more so than cats) is a wonderful indicator of their true soul..Never trust anyone who does not like a dog..was my Mom’s eternal advice.

…you will find that when you are going through life and transitionary and difficult times..the true colors of those you thought you cared about will show up..can be a career issue..a family dying days..and how they chose to be there or not..says a world…

It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.  There is a universal truth is that past behavior (in how they handle  the adverse hard times in your life) is a leading indicator to how they will behave in the future…and I would tell you if they leave or you ask them to leave.. be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable…and the good news is this will leave you open to find the new person (s) who can now love the really new and much improved version of you….

If you need to have those hard talks in a relationship you are in now.,.and when you need to have them..please bite the bullet and do this…just because someone was essential in your past is not a guarantee they will be essential or even important to your future…that is one of the fallacies of the Julia Roberts Movie ending..marriage vow…not even one evolves at the same level and hard to say guys..in general women evolve at a faster and constant rate then men do..in general (there are a few evolved men.. not mentioning any men..lol) and women outpace the men they knoew loved and married in their 20s and sometimes in their 30s..

That being said…do not close up after you had a love affair or long term relationship, marriage, etc…Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable in the affairs of the heart…..I get that have been there…but I think it is crucial that we try to be honest and frank anyway..it leads to more fulfilling relationships..

One other of those life hard lessons is that..what you spend years building may be destroyed overnight..and have heard so many stories recently of people who find out later..they were with men..and women who lied their whole rerlationship, cheated on them for years, hid drug or gambling addictions..the stories are endless…and I will tell you even if the things that have been built for years come tumbling down..you need to build anyway for tomorrow..

Finally will leave you with a thought around let things go that are done..and life does go on…

Will leave you with something..my dad gave me when I was around 17 year old..after some sport related issue..that did not allow me to play in the state finals..of soccer ..I was crushed..stupid accident from some other player other team cause me to break leg in two places..and I was just being what a typical jock kid could be back then just so angry…..he bought me this plaque…I still refer to it daily..it is our cultural legacy that connects our past to our current self..it said..:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Proving in the case of my dad. Sometimes parents can be smarter than they look

Peace…

Erospainter

why do people walk away from something wonderful in the pursuit of protecting their vulnerability

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so having lived through this fairly recent..moment when someone walked off no reason..no words..was a bit of a disappoint

in the way we had established our way to talk..thinking and talking things out..but hell I have seen so many dysfunctional things online I add it to my..hmmm things I will never understand about women..file is pretty damn big..but if I back up..and take a moment of introspection with Sir Eros does like daily leg squats…  I start thinking at the end of the day we all fear getting too close because of vulnerability..

Although we may try to run from vulnerability, it is an inevitable part of social relationships. Even outside of romance, vulnerability is something we encounter frequently: calling someone who has just lost a child, asking a friend for help, taking responsibility for something that went wrong at work, confronting a family member about their behavior, or sitting by the bedside of a friend with a terminal illness. Opportunities for vulnerability present themselves to us every day, the question is whether we will take them.

Why do we fear vulnerability? We are afraid that if someone finds out who we really are, they will reject us. While we may try to appear perfect, strong or intelligent in order to connect with others in actual fact pretense often has the opposite effect intended. On the other hand, when people stick to the truth (including avoiding little white lies), not only does their well-being increase but their relationships improve,  research . Another study I saw indicates that verbally expressing our feelings exactly as they are may help us overcome emotions faster. When we allow ourselves to be completely open and vulnerable, we benefit, our relationships improve, and we may even become more attractive. “We are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth and we love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect.” Why do we love children so much? Why are we drawn to people who act themselves? Because we feel an intrinsic comfort in the presence of authenticity. Moreover, someone who is real and and vulnerable gives us the space and permission to be the same.

Yes, vulnerability can lead to hurt.  And explains that women often tell men that they want their partner to be vulnerable and to share their feelings but then recoil in disgust when men do. When women share their feelings, men often feel frustrated or powerless and want to find a fixed and pragmatic solution. Yet is it worth walking through fear and vulnerability to experience social connection? Absolutely. “Show me a man who can listen to a woman and not try to fix her problem but rather just listen to her and be there for her, show me a woman who can sit with a man who shares this vulnerability and still love him the way he is, and I’ll show you a man and woman who are courageous and have done their work,”  “It’s about intention – ‘Can this be the safest place that we have: with each other, you can be afraid with me and I can be afraid with you.’ ”

To know that you are seen and loved for who you are and to perceive someone else in all of their vulnerability and love them as they are may just be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences. Next time you feel yourself close up in fear in a romantic relationship or otherwise, notice if you can make the choice to be courageous. Take a risk and embrace vulnerability. To quote the poet Alfred Lord Tennyson: ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ (In Memoriam:27, 1850)

so just try to play nice with each other..do not resort to silly disconnected moments that the internet allows..like don’t answer emails..just practice wellness with each other children..if you can..we all deserve that..I think anyway

Things I have learned from the internet

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Things I Learned From The Internet
Some else already said it first. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be said again, and again…

there are few who have an authentic voice

who can actually compose a sentence..not a tweet a full sentence..noun verb adjective the whole thing

and if you find a wannabe writer

if you can find a writer who actually has a perspective on life..

.spend times with those..as for the rest…

The Internet IS redundancy

life is too damn short for redundant people…who have googling skills

the truth about love…

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The truth about Love

THE TRUTH

(Love is hard work. And, sometimes, hard work can really hurt.)

Love is a game. If they didn’t tell you before, we will tell you now. Love is a game and if you play you either win, lose, or get ejected before the game is over.

There are no ties…there are draws..but the what ifs..and the if onlys will someday eat you up when you are older..so try not to let your defensive ego get in the way of being fucking happy today..right now..as you are reading this…

Maybe you’ll lose and learn some great meaningful answer from it all (Like if it looks too good to be true, it is). It’s easy to love something when you don’t have to work at it. It’s harder when it asks something of you, you just might be afraid to give.

Give it anyway.

The heart is the most resilient muscle. It is also the stupidest. So if this love you’ve found is good to you, hold it, keep it, shout about it. If it isn’t, then maybe you should just become very good friends.